A lot of people may say "your sick" "how can you love a serial killer?" well, i have a lot of answers for that. for one, jeff was not JUST a serial killer. He was a human being, just like you and me. he ate, slept, felt pain, even sadness, and YES he DID LOVE! He was not born a monster killing machine, he was born a cute little baby boy. Hugged, kissed, cuddled and cooed over by his parents, just like any other human. he just had something within him that made him ultra sensitive to emotional trauma. So, as he grew, and things occurred in his life that would be rough for anyone, Jeff developed a deep enduring sadness that grew and festered in him through out his life. i see this in him and feel so deeply for him because i have lived it myself. and am still living it. it is my belief that everyone has a breaking point. nobody is invincible. and when we have enough misery to surpass that breaking point, it is like system overload, and you either explode or implode because you are a human being and you DO feel! and as a human being you can only take so much. so if you implode it is very possible that it may cause you to kill youself. and if you explode, it is very possible that you may lash out, and kill others. when you are abused and/or neglected over a long period of time, its like something in your mind comes unhinged and you just snap. i love jeffrey dahmer so much because i can relate to him 100%. he suffered from a mental illness that you just cannot understand unless you experience it,. i have the same diagnosis jeff had, and i have the same morbid thoughts and feelings that, i just cannot control or make them go away, no matter how bad i may want to. Jeff explained it as arrows shooting into your brain from nowhere, and he said that they are not the kind of thoughts where you can just shake your head, and they will go away. that is EXACTLY what it is like. jeff is like the male counterpart of me. the more i read and learn about jeff, the more i feel like im reading a biography about myself. the only difference between jeff and me, is that he killed 17 people, and as of yet, i have not. but i feel that all my life i have been on a constant see saw back and forth between exploding, and imploding. i just havent gone all the way, one way or the other, YET! everything about jeff was just so tragic from beginning to end, i just cant see or hear him without crying, as its SO MUCH like looking at my own dirty, broken, damaged soul. everyone said jeffs eyes looked "empty". i say, look deeper! i see so much sadness and fear in those eyes that it overwhelms me. my love and pain for jeff go deeper than the deepest sea. there is not a single moment that he is not heavily on my mind. i love him so much it hurts. some may say, but you dont know jeff. i DO know jeff. i have read all there is to read about him, seen every television appearance with him or about him, read every interview ever written, seen every live interview, seen every media appearance, fallowed every second of his trial, written to his dad lionel, and even spoke to lionel on the phone. i KNOW jeff, because i AM jeff. i am the embodiment of him. i never learned of anyone so much like me in my entire life. sometimes, when i feel really sad, and really alone, i can almost feel him there, almost hear him telling me its ok, he understands, i KNOW he does, he felt true loneliness the way that i do, the way very few people can fathom. its a different kind of loneliness, its an emptiness in your soul. it cant ever be explained, or understood, only experienced.
A POEM FOR JEFF
MY POEM FOR JEFF
A broken soul so alone and lost, when a child falls through the cracks, so dear is the cost.
desperately in need of love, nobody to turn to, when push came to shove.
no longer able to cry, for inside he's beginning to die.
they said they saw emptiness when they looked into his eyes, i say no one looked deep enough, or paid attention to his cries.
so lost and alone, nobody to turn to, no place to call home.
to deny his true thoughts, so desperately he tried, but no matter where he went, from himself he could not hide.
the horrors in his mind he could never escape, they played over and over again, like a broken tape.
he lost himself in pornography and booze, fighting a battle he would ultimately lose.
in religion he looked for peace, but his demons just would not cease.
into his lap, out of the blue, an invitation landed, could it be true?
then a thought entered his mind, it's a conspiracy, a test of some kind.
he resisted temptation, in hopes of salvation.
but, the desire was so intense, as was the enticement of the suspense.
hanging by a single thread, trying to resist the thoughts inside his head.
a demon conquered so he thought, a sad delusion, so many battles yet to be fought.
he realized he was fighting a battle he couldnt win, he could fight no more, so he finally gave in.
after he saw what he had done, he was then convinced that the demons had won.
a soul can only be damaged so much, until with reality, it will totally lose touch.
desperately in need of a friend that wouldnt go, but a way to make them stay he did not know.
only for himself did he harbor any hate, to his fellow man, he simply could not relate.
when it was all over he felt relief, but, all was lost in his belief.
when they took him down he let out a yell, like a beast set free, all that was left was an empty shell.
when it all came down, crashing upon his head, all he said was, for what i did, i should be dead.
from society he was forever locked away, for what he did, he had to pay.
he returned to his faith and was redeemed, but not on earth, so it seemed.
too soon after the words were said, his wish was granted, and Jeff was dead.
at times when i need him the most, i look at myself and i see his ghost.
he said he felt he created a holocaust, i feel so much like him, a soul that is lost, lost, lost.
My UNCONDITIONAL LOVE ,MY DEEPEST DEVOTION, MY HEART, MY SOUL, TO JEFFREY LIONEL DAHMER, FOR ALL ETERNITY! MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU ,MY EYES WEEP FOR YOU, MY SOUL LONGS FOR YOU, MY BODY STARVES FOR YOU, I SEE, HEAR, FEEL, SMELL AND TASTE YOU. YOU ARE HERE, INSIDE OF ME, MY BEAUTIFULL,MY LOVE,, MY JEFF. I LOVE YOU